Bolt (2008)

 

There's no doubt about it- "Bolt" is great family entertainment, bolstered by bright, engaging animation and likable characters. My only worry is that people will shy away from this movie because of some irrational hatred from one of the voice actors, Miley Cyrus. Well, let me put your mind to rest folks- Penny (voiced by Cyrus) is not even the lead, and in the scenes she is in she does a fine job, and in actuality, does not make you want to put your head through a wall, although her singing might be a different matter.

   John Travolta voices the eponymous character, a white German Shepherd who is adopted and taken home by a little girl, his little girl, who as it comes to pass, becomes the star of a very lame television show. In the show, Penny plays a prepubescent badass who fights the evil Doctor Calico (voiced by Malcolm McDowell) as his minions side by side with the genetically engineered Bolt.

   The catch- Bolt, who has been duped by camera tricks and showbiz gimmicks, thinks the show is real, and fights every new episode to save his beloved Penny. The director (voiced by James Lipton,) in order to evoke convincing acting from the job, refuses to take multiple takes and never lets Bolt of the set of the TV show, much to Penny's dismay.

   When Bolt is accidentally shipped off to New York City in a cardboard box, he must face real-world consequences for his confused behavior. For the first time he bleeds, he becomes hungry, and he is separated from Penny. It is there he meets Mittens (voice of Susie Essman,) a streetwise alley cat whose fate becomes entangled with Bolt's. The scenes introducing Mittens are hilarious and cleverly conceived.

   The next addition to the group, Rhino the hyperactive hamster (voice of Mark Walton,) makes things a little silly but his goofiness will please kids and the young at heart. Mittens wants Bolt to stay with her, but Bolt insists on journeying on to find Penny, which leads to an exciting and emotional finale.

   I loved the characters in this movie, and this bears up to multiple viewings. It's touching, but doesn't tear you up (like "The Fox and the Hound," which reduces me to tears) and isn't too scary or dark for kids. I also liked the fact that they made Penny's mother overweight without adding any fat jokes or showing her eating a cheeseburger in every other scene. The movies need more positive portrayals like that.

   "Bolt" is a very cute movie that should charm audiences of all ages, especially animal lovers. I don't recall a single potty-related or off-color joke, although some of the showbiz satire should go over the heads of kids. A must see family film!
                                                     Rating-
                                                         8.0/10

Understanding Jane (2001)

"Understanding Jane" is basically adequate as a talky lightweight Britcom, but becomes repellent and unconvincing when dealing with the romance between nice guy Elliot (Kevin McKidd) and vindictive, manipulating petty crook 'Dallas' AKA the Jane of the title (Amelia Curtis.) Attractive and pleasant McKidd and John Simm, as the friend give it their best shot and the girls (Curtis and Louisa Milwood-Haigh, as Curtis' partner in crime and Simm's love interest) follow suit, but nothing can endear this match made in hell to us.

   Elliot and Oz (Simm) respond to a personals ad and are coupled up with 'Dallas' and 'Popeye,' two good-time gals who proceed to ditch them with the bill. The guys eventually get their well-deserved revenge, but Elliot is drawn to Dallas, in that squabbling rom-com way. Dallas is just giving Elliot the run-around, but somehow she develops feelings for the poor sod. So, you would think she would repent from her toying with his feelings and we would see some character development on her part.

   The thing is, not really. She never seems to be particularly sorry for manipulating Elliot, or undergo any change. The final gag (her throwing his TV out the window after he is on the losing end of a bet) only shows how tight she has her talons wrapped around him. Elliot seems like a nice enough guy, and I feel sorry for him. Dallas is always playing with his feelings, and any seeming progression in her feelings toward him are really just a means to an end.

   There is a lot to dislike about this movie's technical competence (music that just sounds like background noise, fade-outs that inexplicably turn blue, grainy camerawork.) Also, despite a few clever come-backs and conversations, it simply isn't very funny. The plotline about Dallas' psycho ex goes pretty much nowhere, and gives us virtually no 'understanding' of her character.

   I loved John Simm on his short stint as a villain in "Doctor Who," and I like his character here, but it's hard to be involved when Jane's hold on Elliot dominate most of the movie. Also, what the f is with Dallas (Jane) introducing Elliot to the world of petty crime? 'Steal this CD.' And he does it! Elliot's getting by. He doesn't need to end up behind bars for petty theft. Is this Borderline behavior supposed to be cute?

   Dallas is cruel, narcissistic, manipulative and likes nothing more than to toy with naive Elliot's feelings. There's virtually nothing likable about her. It would be bad enough if the movie didn't enthusiastically condone Dallas' behavior. Are we supposed to believe that a relationship between strait-laced Elliot and cuckoo-crazy Dallas could ever work in the real world?

   I would not recommend this movie to anyone, although I did like some of the dialogue. Andrew Lincoln (Sheriff Rick on the AMC zombie drama "The Walking Dead") makes a brief appearance as a party guest. I don't like movies that celebrate imbecilic and hurtful relationships, with an emphasis on good-for-nothing women taking men on 'the ride of their lives.' That's just stupid. There's nothing wrong with playing it safe and not breaking the law for no discernible reason. Hope you enjoy my analysis, readers. Bye!
                                                Rating-
                                                    5.0/10

Movie 43 (2013)

Though hardly a consistently funny film, "Movie 43" is, astonishingly, not a complete and utter miss. It is a hit-and-miss spectacle around the lines of 2013's "The ABCs of Death," with a comedy rather than horror theme. At it's worst, it's still a lot better than the worst "ABCs of Death" had to offer.

   The plot is loosely and crudely constructed, with an emphasis on 'crude.' The jokes consistently base themselves on shock value and poor taste, with sometimes funny results. This is an anthology film, and the segments all base themselves around this premise- wimpy schmuck Griffin (Greg Kinnear) listens as obsessed screenwriter Charlie (Dennis Quaid) pitches a script to him- a tasteless opus that Griffin quickly dismisses. Undeterred, Charlie holds Griffin at gunpoint and tries to force him to sell the script. The following shenanigans are the contents of this screenplay.

  The first segment, "The Catch," is actually pretty funny as Kate Winslet tries to figure out why no one seems to notice the giant ballsack hanging from her date Hugh Jackman's neck. Don't judge me, I laughed. The second one was pretty funny in an 'ashamed of yourself but laughing' way, it actually plays on the stereotypes about homeschoolers, as a homeschooled young person I appreciated that.

   The only other really funny short in this collection is the grossly inappropriate iBabe. The others range from pretty mediocre to pretty bad. The one with Chloe Grace Moretz, a talented young actress, is just embarrassing and awkward as a teenage girl is humiliated by her inopportunely timed first period and the incompetence of her male audience. The one with Anna Faris was gross and pointless, and is only funny if you like poop jokes and third rate sitcom humor.

Some of the shorts were mesmerizing in their strange tastelessness, "Beezel," with it's homosexual cat jacking off to pictures of his owner in swimtrunks, is a startling example. I didn't find the short about the black basketball players particularly racist, but I didn't find it funny either.

   "Movie 43" doesn't really utilize it's all-star cast, but you could do worse for a late-rainy-day distraction. If you get to watch it free, and want to laugh a few times and think 'hmm, that's strange,' then go for it. It's not the abomination people have made it out to be, but it's no classic comedy. Just remember to lighten up and think for yourself!
                                       Rating-
                                            5.5/10

Bachelorette (2012)

"Bachelorette" is the worst kind of comedy- tacky, shallow, mean-spirited, and unfunny. The venomously unlikable cast of characters will grate on you after the first five minutes... by the 80 minute mark, they're Hell. These gal pals will remind you of everything you don't like in human beings, hardly the tone to set for a romantic comedy.

   Regan (Kirsten Dunst,) Gena (Lizzy Caplan,) and Katie (Ilsa Fisher)- ditzy, cruel, and devoid of charm- prepare for their friend Becky (Rebel Wilson)'s wedding. Infuriated that the 'fat girl,' who they always had a demeaning attitude toward, got engaged before them, the clueless three find themselves in big (and well-deserved) trouble when they rip Becky's wedding dress while playing a cruel joke.

Bachelorette

Bachelorette (2012)

Written & Directed By: Leslye Headland

My Rating: 2/5

Three irresponsible and emotionally unstable bridesmaids reunite for the wedding of their high school friend Becky (Rebel Wilson). Becky, who happens to be overweight, was dubbed "pig face" in high school. Her three s0-called friends haven't outgrown making jokes at her expense. It is in that spirit that they pull a prank that leads to inadvertantly tearing Becky's wedding gown. The rest of the night is a combination of a drinking- and drug-fest and a mad scramble to repair the dress in time for the wedding the next morning.

This is a Heterosexual Code Red (In and Out)

In and Out (1997)

Directed By: Frank Oz

Written By: Paul Rudnick

My Rating: 3.5/5

I have always been baffled by homophobia. It's heart-wrenching and infuriating, but there is a humorous side, too. First there's the somewhat taboo nature of the subject, despite the fact that it's been a big part of human experience since the earliest times. What's that about? We made a point of talking openly with our kids, since they could talk, about the fact that some people are homosexual or bisexual. Like any discussions of relationships and intimacy, it has occasionally lent itself to awkward questions, but we wanted them to grow up knowing it's part of life and no big deal.

Horrible Bosses (2011)

"Horrible Bosses" has a premise somewhere along the lines of the 1999 Mike Judge comedy "Office Space" but "Horrible Bosses" is more brazen, more over-the-top, and in my opinion, funnier. Although "Office Space" had some valid things to say about the ennui of working in a corporate firm, "Horrible Bosses" throws reason to the wind to deliver a hilarious but completely unrealistic story of a couple of immature guys who want to kill their heinous bosses.

   Nick (Jason Bateman,) Dale (Charlie Day,) and Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) are a none-too-bright trio of friends who have one thing in common- their rude, crude, and downright evil bosses. Nick's boss Dave Harkin (Academy Award Winner Kevin Spacey) is a manipulative, outrageously jealous psychopath, while Dale, a faithful partner to his fiance (Lindsay Sloane,) is sexually harassed by his whore boss Julia (Jennifer Aniston, playing against type, with side-splitting results.)

My Afternoons With Margueritte (2010)

"My Afternoons With Margueritte" is a sweet, touching, and somehow innocent love story that makes you want to discover the joys of reading all over again. I myself haven't read a book cover to cover in years, due to a visual tracking problem that has plagued me since childhood, but Germain (Gérard Depardieu)'s discovery of books reminds me of how much I enjoyed reading before it became so difficult. It makes me want to get out and read, damn it!. And while I'm at it, it makes me want to go out and meet a friend like Margueritte.

   Dyslexic gardener Germain Chazes is considered a simpleton by his so-called friends, and driven to despair by his nasty old bag of a mother (played by Claire Maurier as an old woman and by Anne Le Guernec in the flashbacks). The only joy in his life is derived from his kind, much-younger girlfriend Annette (Sophie Guillemin,) the dubious companionship of his friends, and his hobbies and simple joys.

Herpes Boy (2009)

Though not as bad as it's unfortunate title suggests, "Herpes Boy" derives humor on grotesque caricatures of it's secondary players. I've never seen so many shameless stereotypes masquerading as characters in one movie.

   The only character with any depth is the birthmarked, self-proclaimed misanthrope protaganist, but we can only get a kick out of his angsty 'I hate people' routine for so long, and lead actor Byron Lane is short on charisma as well as talent.

   Teen outcast Rudolph (Byron Lane)'s angst and ennui is understandable- between his clueless family and his lifelong bullying at the hands of just about everybody, who wouldn't be P.O.-ed? But his self-absorbed outlook on his jock father's fatal heart attack and his actual consideration of dissing his dad in the eulogy makes him often a less than sympathetic character.

The Cat and the Canary (1927)

Although "The Cat and the Canary" isn't sure what it wants to be- a slapstick comedy, a whodunit, or a straight horror movie- intriguing characters and excellent performances from the cast keep this one fresh and charming.

   Half-mad millionare Cyrus West dies in his creepy mansion, leaving the name of his benefactor in his safe. Like flies to a freshly bloated carcass, his family gathers at the mansion, waiting to snatch up his sizable fortune.

   There is a potentially deadly catch... the person who wins the money must spend the night in West's reportedly haunted mansion, and pass a sanity test short thereafter. The dubious 'winner' turns out to be Cyrus' niece, Annabelle West (Laura La Plante).

The Art Of Getting By (2011)

There isn't anything remotely likable about the protagonist of "The Art Of Getting By," and he is only an interesting lead if you like entitled, angsty little pricks who think the world revolves around them. I know, I know, most kids his age can be entitled and angsty from time to time, but this kid brings the 'glib teenaged hipster' canon to a whole new low.

   Never in recent memory have I so wanted the 'hero' of the movie to be hit by a delivery truck, or at least go away, just go away, and get out of my sight. It doesn't help that lead actor Freddie Highmore is about as boring as straight out toast, or that he (warning- spoiler for the cinematically challenged) gets together at the end with bland 'quirky girl' Emma Roberts (one of the least interesting young people in Hollywood.)

They Live (1988)

"They Live" is cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese, Brie Cheese, topped by a great terrible performance by pro wrestler "Rowdy" Roddy Piper as the unnamed shotgun-toting   protagonist. "I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." Yes you are, Rowdy, and never has such a line, so daringly uttered, struck such fear into the hearts into cadaver-faced extra-terrestrials as this.

   Rowdy plays a wandering laborer, who finds himself living in a little shanty-town in LA. When police storm the place, Roddy finds a box of sunglasses. One look through a pair of these sunglasses, and Roddy can see that everything's a lie... aliens have taken over the world right under our noses and are systematically brainwashing us with subliminal messages such as 'Obey,' Watch TV,' and my personal favorite, 'Marry and Reproduce.' And Rowdy Roddy's problems are just beginning.

The Baby (1973)

"The Baby" is a very weird 'cult classic' (their words, not mine) about a lady social worker who interferes with the matriarch's hold on a supremely dysfunctional family. The object of social worker Ann Gentry (Anjanette Comer)'s obsessions is 'Baby,' a full-grown man (or 'grown-ass man' to quote Will Smith in the so-so "Men in Black" sequel) who is kept in a crib and clad in diapers.

   Ann seems to believe that the seemingly mentally handicapped fellow is simply the otherwise functional victim of too much negative reinforcement during his development (bad baby! Stop standing up!") To his sister Alba (Susanne Zenor,) Baby is a scapegoat, to his other sister, Germaine (Marianna Hill,) he is a plaything. But what exactly does the seemingly wholesome Ann want with Baby? What secret lies under the surface of her white bread exterior?

The Fox and the Hound (1981)

Made in an era of animation before cartoons were watered down and robbed of their joy, emotion, and scariness (not including Pixar- we love you,) "The Fox and the Hound" is a great pick for the whole family. Set in a seemingly idyllic, 20th Century woodland environment, it chronicles, with love, tears, and laughter, the friendship between an orphaned fox and a adorable hound dog.
 
  This forest home is not so idyllic if you're a fox like Tod (voiced by Kieth Coogan as a youngster and Mickey Rooney as a grown-up), who loses his mother to fanatical game hunter Amos Slade (voiced by Jack Albertson) and is adopted by the big-hearted Widow Tweed (Jeanette Nolan), who turns him into a docile house pet.

Cry-Baby (1990)

 Admittedly, "Cry-Baby" is a very silly movie, and that silliness may not appeal to everyone. I for one found myself consistently bored by the campy goings-on, and found little to like about delinquent greaser 'Cry-Baby' (Johnny Depp) and his redneck family, when the movie insists we cheer on their successes and 'gee-whiz' at their failures.

   It's 1960's Baltimore, and prim, perfect Allison (Amy Locane) has it all- social status, wealth, and a dapper boyfriend (Stephen Mailer.) But, gee, the 'Drapes' from the wrong side of the tracks seem to be having more fun, and Allison is doomed to be a 'Square,' destined for a life of courteousness and decency.  Or is she?

    Everything changes when Allison meets Wade 'Cry-Baby' Walker (Depp,) a singing, dancing, rocking Drape bad boy who wins her heart. But a series of rivalries and misunderstandings strive to keep Cry-Baby and Allison apart. There will be a lot of music and a lot of fights before a customary happy ending, and for me they couldn't get there fast enough.

The Sessions (2012)

The Sessions (2012)  

Written and Directed By: Ben Lewin, Based on an Article by Mark O'Brien  

Why I Saw It: Lots of reasons -- mostly for John Hawkes and Helen Hunt  

My Verdict: Definite thumbs up.

Thirty-eight-year-old writer and poet Mark O'Brien (John Hawkes) survived polio as a child, but he is paralyzed and spends most of his life in an iron lung. His intelligence, good humor, and wry wit win people over, but for the most part, he lives a lonely life, surrounded only by personal aides.

Dead Alive (Brain-Dead) (1992)

Be forewarned, this is grade-B all the way, so if you are a no-fun fuddy-duddy like my mom or need an Oscar pedigree for every film, you watch, you will probably find this equal parts tedious and repellent. However, for those with a subversive wit and tolerance for bad taste and a ridiculous amount of blood and gore, look no further. This is your movie.

Lionel (Timothy Balme) is just your ordinary Bates-ish momma's boy who is astonished when cute Hispanic shopkeeper Paquita (Diana Peñalver) takes an interest in him. Now this is the 1950's, so whites and minorities were not the best of friends, but Lionel is about to face a lot more than close-mindedness when his domineering mother Vera (Elizabeth Moody) gets herself bitten by a mysterious Sumatran rat-monkey and becomes a flesh-eating zombie.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

"An American Werewolf in London" is a overlooked classic of horror that provides laughs and scares and remains fresh upon repeat viewings. Sporting amazing make-up effects by Rick Baker, it also contains a werewolf transformation scene which has to this day not been topped.

Goofball American youths Jack and David (Griffin Dunne & David Naughton) are backpacking in England when they are attacked by a werewolf, leaving Jack dead and David barely injured, but infected with lycanthropy that takes hold of him every full moon.

After a stay in a hospital whilst having his wounds treated, David is taken to the flat of a pretty nurse (Jenny Agutter) who has taken a shine to him (if this is starting to sound a little like a "Playboy" pubescent fantasy, read on.)

The Princess Bride (1987)

"The Princess Bride" is that rare classic that can be enjoyed by all members of the family, regardless of age. It is also a cute, mostly clean comedy that won't bore adults or go over the heads of kids.

   In plotline #1, A sick little boy (played by 80's child-star Fred Savage) is presented by his grandfather (Peter O'Toole) with- not an Atari video game, as he no doubt would've hoped- but a leather bound book, 'The Princess Bride.'

   We are soon pulled into the book and it happenings- of its characters, and lively scenes of swashbuckling and daring-do. Princess Buttercup (Robin Wright Penn) loves Wesley (Carey Elwes,) a lowly stable boy, so naturally she torments him and heckles him with constant petty demands (I've never understood why these kind of women always get hitched first- ideas?)

    Wesley has neither the lineage nor the money to wed Buttercup, so he seeks his fortune at sea, where he meets an uncertain fate at the hands of the Dread Pirate Roberts. Swearing never to love again, the beautiful Buttercup is nevertheless pursued by the douchey Prince Humperdinck, but her kidnapping at the hands of a trio of oddballs only complicates things for the princess.

   The script here is a lot of fun, and the actors' near-perfect delivery of their lines results in one of the most quotable films in movie history. The acting is strong even from the minor players, including Christopher Guest as the devious Count Tyrone Dugan and Mel Smith as the expressive and quite sadistic albino.

   One complaint is Buttercup herself, who takes the cake as the most insipid movie princess of all time, and that includes the sappy, crappy, fragile princesses of early Disney. When she isn't planning her own suicide and badgering Wesley, Buttercup can usually be found crying tears that don't seem to dampen her crystal-clear complexion.

   Despite my animosity towards the fragile, soppy heroine, I concede that "The Princess Bride" is a both a perennial classic  and a movie worth cherishing and sharing with the younger generations, who may nonetheless be skeptical of the 80s' effects. Fun and excellently written, "The Princess Bride" is worth past-tripping for.

 

 

A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

There is no doubt -- John Cleese is a funny guy, although he has his occasional misfires (most recently his animated works "Shrek Forever After" and "Planet 51.") Here he is not "Fawlty Towers" funny, but still manages to amuse and entertain, and he is backed up by a great cast, including Michael Palin, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Kevin Kline as a psychotic pseudo-intellectual dolt with a preference for mangling Nietzsche.

   Manipulative Wanda (Curtis), stuttering animal lover Ken (Palin), nutcase Otto (Kline) and George, the one with the plan, all aspire to rob a jewelry store. Wanda, who is fiddling with all the men's emotions, and Otto, her incompetent lover, decide to double cross George and steal the diamonds, but George anticipates their move, and entrusts the key to the safe to Ken.